and we lived a thousand years all we have is now

I am obsessed with Greatness. Interpret me however you want- whether I am just another one of those men suffering from the usual bout of male inferiority complex issues or I could be genuinely pursuing that one defining moment of perfection in life. Perhaps in all likelihood, both perspectives are not mutually exclusive.I am a creature of Passion. If I relish the significance of pursuing an accomplishment, I would immerse 1500% of my entire life in capturing that just One moment of greatness in achieving what I had set my eyes upon. That is just life, is not it? All of us have only just that One sole moment when lifetime opportunity comes by-a-knocking, stands outside our doorstep briefly, taps her feet dap-a-tap-dap, before taking leave almost as soon as she arrives. Pretty much like that time in the club when you had your eyes on that hottie but hesitated in walking up to her ‘cos you were too chicken shit and when you finally had the guts to make an approach after downing that 18th tequilla shot, she had already left with a bad-shaped man. It was never because that ugly man was any better looking or anything better than you- it was because that fat bastard had the balls to walk up and just seize the moment with her.

So when opportunity comes, do we capture it or do we let it slip? I find it rather embarassing to draw inspiration from a very confused pasty white rapper who hates his mother, but yet do not deny that I get a kick whenever I listen to Eminem’s Lose Yourself.

Most of the time we live our lives complaining that we do not know what we are living for; not realizing that everyone of us already has a purpose in life that could be as great as saving the whole damn world Jesus style or a simplistic one that silently tugs at our heart strings. It would not be hard to recognize the purpose in life if everyone is a Larry Page/Sergei Brin or Mahatma Gandhi or Wong Kar-Wai. Those folks already have defined the sphere in which they would build their lives around. Page and Brin would save the world from evil with Google, Gandhi changed India and Wong would rewrite film history. It is those of us whose lives pale insignificantly in relative to theirs who will find it hard to recognize our purpose in life, or rather to be Willing to recognize that purpose. For what great glory is there in living a life dedicated to a mundane white-collared job, get married, reproduce, bring up our children, retire and die into oblivion?

Yeah, yeah, I made the assumption that everyone’s purpose in life is supposed to be destined for Greatness, or else it would not be valid. In the real world, if everyone’s destined for greatness- then the world would not need any changing, no? I get that. And I understand that the term ‘greatness’ has been used here rather indiscriminately, I debate for my university and am in no mood to define shit when I am talking to myself via me blog.

But more importantly, it is always the microcosmic parts of life that matters, aye? If it wasn’t because of my uneducated parents who led a pretty simplistic life- then I would not realize how much mediocrity sucked alot of hairy black balls and they would not have pushed me to always ace in academia because like all uneducated people, my parents were duped into believing that education is really the key to a good wonderful life ahead. At best, they were only half right. That is considering that I even get a little cubicle of my own and a pantry storage for my Wal-Mart coffee mug in the office.

The point is simply this; I have been searching high and low for my entire life for that One special purpose dedicated to immortalizing life that would consume my entire being so much so I would just lose myself in the madness of my pursuit. That in living my life for that purpose- Nothing else would matter. It is all about running with all my strength and heart towards the light at the end of the tunnel. A long, hard run that would take over my whole life and I would not have any doubt if I am wasting my time on running.

To some people, that purpose could be Jesus. I went down that path for 8 years and realized it was a dead end. I was only talking to myself all those times. To some people, it could be their family. I love my family but can’t live my life fulfilling their expectations all the damn time. I have stopped being a teenager 6 years ago. It could be living for a woman- but that is just silly ain’t it? Men are born to roam the earth. With a spear. Between their legs. It could be living your life to end world hunger and child labor. That sounds great and very honorable to me, but hey- the world still goes on and as far as I am concern it should go on as long as those damn Ethiopeans would trade food for guns to shoot their own brothers or GAP is selling cheap clothings sewn by malnourished Sri Lankan kids who or else would die of hunger if it was not for those kind Caucasian men who gave them money and jobs as part of their white men’s burden in return for exploiting their poor asses sewing tee shirts 18 hours a day.

For the record, I hate GAP.

To me, one’s highest purpose in life could be farming corn for all I care. But I would want my world to stop spinning in awesome admiration of my passion for farming corn. My defining life purpose would exclude all societal expecations. I want to live a life that is unpredictable. I despise establishments. I shudders at any attempt for conformity. I rejoice in breaking free. More than living, I want to Feel life. Every moment of it.

A friend of mine always remind me that we find greatest joy in the simplest things of life. A part of me scorned such trivilization of life, the other acknowledges the truth of that notion. Like how in the olden days people are happy with just having a pair of pants but everyone wants to own a pair of Diesel jeans now. If you burst out laughing at my comparison- of course I understand that you do not realized I was referring to the Italian design house that receives the honorable patronage of Kevin Federline. And we all know K-Fed is the mark of a true Man in fashion. Thank you.

I reserve my deepest, most profound respect to one of history’s greatest epical warrior- Alexander the Great (after K-Fed, of course). I draw inspiration from him (Alexander the Great). I never believed in insurmountable odds and whenever I am faced with circumstances as that, I’ll just remind myself that whatever I am facing pales in comparison to what Alexander went thru. So just shut the fuck up and Overcome it like a Man. And Alexander was just a man. He ain’t no Jesus with all those crazy God superpowers but he still conquer the whole Allah-damned world. If only K-Fed had lived in that era.

Now we all know Alexander the Great was really fuckin’ Great, rite? No point doubting a man whose name hints at such modesty. The question that begs to be answered, really is- If Alexander knew that there was a Greater man who could lead the Macedonians towards even greater glory,like imagine Genghis Khan was a homie of the same era- Would he step aside for Genghis’ ascension to lead his empire or would Alexander cut his throat while he was sleeping? I bet he would not sneak up to Genghis ‘cos Alexander’s a most honorable man but would he take on Genghis one-on-one style or would he get his whole army to fuck him up? I believe Alexander would challenge Genghis to an death duel and Win. I am pitching my money on Alexander ‘cos I have read an entire library of books on how bad ass of a fighter he was but none on Genghis, so I know nothing of his capability besides him kicking alot of asses back in the days and likes to ride a horse. How gay can you get?

How did Alexander always knew that he was the Greatest King of all Macedonia? Did he not feel doubt? Was he not merely a Man after all? Has he no fear of the unknown i.e. the future? If he was indeed the Greatest, there would then be an absence of a yardstick for him to measure himself against- what drives him then?

All great men are self-motivated.

I am a creature of Passion. Who succumbs easily to the temptation of conceited Pretensions.

How trite.