elastic truth for these plastic days

This is an unedited interview piece that I wrote for a cosmetic surgery publication.

How do you feel about cosmetic surgery?

Influences from the mass media i.e. Hollywood and the way people around us seemingly embrace beautiful form over badly-presented substance has reinforced society’s perception that physical superficiality will get us far if not just somewhere in life. Cosmetic surgery provides an easy avenue for people to enhance their self-confidence when they look and feel better about themselves in the company of others. In today’s fast-paced world, it is not a question of whether it is right or wrong to subject ourselves to how people would inevitably judge us based on how we look; it is rather, a question of choice. Society has always been predisposed to judging people by their appearances. For instance, when two persons with similar qualifications walk in for a job interview, the one with a better physical self-presentation would almost certainly leave with a better first impression and thus, a brighter prospect of scoring the job; Or when we are in a social setting e.g. club, party, shopping malls most of us tend to pay more attention to good-looking people around us. If someone was so inclined as to willingly subject themselves to cosmetic surgery to gain that extra edge in life, he/she should not be judged waywardly. Everyone has played a part in maintaining and spreading this culture of placing high value on superficiality.

In the absence of unnecessary risk and long term physical or emotional consequences, I believe due respect should be accorded to people using cosmetic surgery to enhance the way they look and feel about themselves. It is the most basic application of the harm principle that is enshrined in our universal freedom of choice and expression. We have a right to choose and express ourselves as long as our actions do not infringe on the rights of others. We only live once after all; let’s live a beautiful life- literally. I am in no way discounting the fact that substance matters in life- but any intelligent person would be smart enough to know that appearance matters just as much.

What about minimally invasive procedures? i.e. botox, fillers, laser treatments, chemical peels?

Any form of cosmetic surgery, be it “minimal invasive” or “total reconstruction” is purely euphemistic as it underlines the same principle as to why women put on make-ups or modern men are grooming themselves in the name of metrosexuality; it is inherent among people to want to look good as it is fast becoming a global trend. To raise cosmetic surgery as an issue just because the end-product of a surgery is permanent compared to make-ups that could be washed off is a wanton attempt at living a houlier-than-thou life in denial. Most modern women would not leave their home without make-ups and guys are starting to spend hours in front of the mirror to make sure they look and smell good. It is unfair and simplistic for some people to point and wag their fingers when others have the audacity to go that extra mile with cosmetic surgery. People who abhor any form of cosmetic surgery should seriously reconsider dressing up in front of a mirror to look good or buying a big house or luxury car just to be able to feel good about flaunting themselves. Everyone has their insecurities one way or another thus no one should deem themselves any better than the rest.

Have you ever dated anyone who has had any cosmetic work done?

Yes. I had a girlfriend who went for a nose job while we were dating. In all fairness, I was of the opinion that she did not need a procedure as she was beautiful but she had felt otherwise and went ahead with the surgery. Her friends who realized later about her physical change began to wag their finger and labeled her as fake. As her boyfriend back then, I did not think that surgery made her fake, rather in all probability she appeared even more real than ever. Instead of living in denial and haunted by insecurity due to a certain physical attribute that she did not like, she confronted her fear to seek a better life. Some may view this as hedonistic; I saw it as her keeping it real.

How would you feel if your girlfriend/wife wanted cosmetic surgery?

No cosmetic surgery would change the way I would feel for my woman. Having a 36DD set of breasts would not turn her into Mother Theresa overnight although I don’t deny there is a possibility that she might turn into Holy Mary Mother of God in bed.

On a more serious note, I would think that there is some deep seated problem in the relationship if physical alteration would amount to any significant changes to the dynamics of my relationship with my girlfriend/wife. I would be very honest and sincere with my girlfriend/wife and let her know that I love her for the person whom she is on the inside. I would not want her to change the way she looks because if I had wanted her to look any different, I would have dated/married someone else. In the end of the day, it is her body and if she is convinced that somehow she needs to undergo cosmetic surgery to improve her life, I would be more than happy to spend some meaningful time with her newly re-conditioned toys, I mean breasts.

Would you ‘buy’ your girlfriend/wife a cosmetic surgery procedure? For example birthday present, anniversary present, no particular occasion?

I would buy her a cosmetic surgery on two conditions. One, she has to convince me that it is something that she really needs to make her feel better about life. Second, I have the final say as to how she would look like in the end, seeing as I would be paying and will be the one who has to live with her after the surgery.

Would you dump someone after dating for a while or after marriage if you found out they have had some cosmetic procedure done in the past? How would you feel about this?

No. I think people put too much emphasis on physical attraction in relationships. I do not deny that physical attraction matters in the initial stages of a courtship but in the end of the day, it is who that person really is on the inside that should matter. If I did not know that my girlfriend/wife had undergone cosmetic surgery when I met her but still had grown to love her for the person that she was, I do not see how it would matter if I discover now that she did indeed look like a car crash in the past. It is not as though she had lied to me- it is just that she had never told me until now, no? I always try to be optimistic with things, life seems better that way.

Might you consider having some cosmetic work done someday? If so, like what?

When I was younger, I used to harbor thoughts of removing a small mole on my chin that I thought had been the barrier that kept away all my Abercrombie & Fitch modeling contracts. As I dated more women, quite a few of them actually thought the mole had character plus sex appeal and wanted me to keep it while the rest offered to pay for my laser removal treatment. Now that I am all grown up, a tad wiser and more comfortable with myself- I know for certain that I can not and should not try to make everyone happy. So everyone can go to hell- I am very happy with the way I look now and definitely would not change it just for the sake of conforming to some skewed benchmark of good looks set by global fashion conglomerates that push forth starving, stick-thin, walking dead models as their epitome of beauty. My mole defines me. If A&F can’t see that, they can suck my balls, I am going home.

What do you think of women (or men) who lie about having had any cosmetic work done?

It is a pity that women have to conceal something that should not be of issue at all if our society was more rational and not so narrow-minded. I support women who told white lies about their cosmetic surgery out of fear for the social persecutions that they would have to deal with by telling the truth. On the other hands, my utmost respect goes out to women who dare stand by and defend their decision to undergo cosmetic surgery. All in all, what does it say of a culture where to be sincere and truthful has become the radical gesture?

Do you think society judges an individual who would like to or has had cosmetic work done?

Yes, simply because to a certain extent most people have inferiority complex issue and would not think twice to bring down other people just to make themselves feel better. There is as much shame in going for cosmetic surgery as there is in buying an ugly looking Louis Vuitton handbag that cost RM15,000 just so other people would think of you any differently.

Do you think cosmetic surgery is fast becoming a trend that is acceptable?

Society is constantly evolving and people’s mindset are becoming more open and thus accepting towards all things that used to be unorthodox. In time we would come to respect other people’s personal choice and mind our own business as long as their actions do not impede on our rights and personal freedom.

materialism: a refutation

Given a present day scenario when two men are stranded on an island with only two apples; what would be the most possible course of action that can be undertaken by either individual? Would one kill the other for the sake of a prolonged survival, or would they share the apples instead for the better or worse outcome of a mutual fate?I believe it is most likely that both men will fight to the end instead of opting for mutual survival. Disregarding any discourses over the ethical aspect of their action; a more insightful light could instead be shed upon a discourse on causality that led to the assumed course of action.

Is humanity inherently selfish or is selfishness deterministic?

Everyone is born into a capitalistic system whereby it is ingrained in our societal code that survival of the fittest is an unquestionable dogma that best maintains the harmony of our world. It is a harmony that is only apparent to the smallest number of people who live on the luminous end of an imbalanced global wealth distribution spectrum; whereas others on the dark side suffer from the mysteries of inequity in a world where everyone was born Equal.

Why is it ever so difficult for men to give than to take more than they need? I believe our economic system of governance thru capitalism perpetuates our greatest global evil- Poverty. It is the greatest evil because it also holds the simplest solution, one that can only remain as Utopian as long as we live and continue to be manipulated by greed, selfishness, ignorance- human (in)values that are perpetuated by capitalism. To solve poverty, everyone simply just needs to give. The whole concept of “I will rather teach you how to fish that to give you my fish” would not work because people are just so downright poor- they don’t even have a river to fish.

Alas, I am guilty of criticisms that lack any substantial constructivism. I admit, I can’t suggest a better system than Capitalism. To hell with the Commies, Screw the Socialists, Fascism is dumb and the Anarchists are just too unorganized to do anything. There is not a better system that the failing one we have in our hands.

Humanity is deterministic. Therefore having a capitalistic system that can only encourage people to be selfish and then have this group of people live in this system will only create a vicious cycle whereby the poor will remain poor and the rich can only get richer.

We need a change. Someone has to change. Living in an imperfect system does not translate into having to be complacent and live with imperfection.

Someone asked me why I reserve resentment towards rich kids. I hate rich kids because most of them live in a cocoon comfortably cushioned by Louis Vuitton, so much so all of them think that the world is a perfect place to be. They will continue with that mentality out of lack of motivation which I do not blame them for because their parents never taught them the suffering of earning money, or the fact that other people are suffering in sweat shops to make their Prada’s whatsoever.

Alas, who am I kidding? I went to bed comfortably in my French Connection pajamas last night.

We will all be guilty of not making a change for a better world when we can just by making an effort to remind ourselves to be selfless towards everyone around us.

But no, we will go on living in our ridiculous routine lives in a vicious sick cycle carousel. We will continue to work our asses off to buy an automobile, then a house, then get married, save for our kid’s college funds, get an SUV, get a swimming pool for our new house, pay off our loans and the get a bigger loan for that country club membership and convertible to ease our mid-life crisis, then renovate our house to accommodate our kids who have grown up to be just like us.

Oh no, I have just charted my entire life, and quite possibly the lives of everyone else in the world.

What happened to our dreams of living in Africa and helping the local community build their own house and irrigate their land? Screw that, I have shed my tears while watching Discovery. Whatever happened to giving some money to help local charity? Urm, I need to save up for my new convertible. What is so wrong with not giving? Nothing, no one gave me anything when I needed their help anyway.

Yes, humans are pretty amusing. We always put ourselves before others, and worse we do not see what is wrong with that. Yes, if that truck was going to crash into that dumb kid- You are indeed obligated as a human to save him.

I make it a point to never get rich. All self-righteous Christians can go fuck themselves in the ass for all I care, but I certainly see now why my homeboy Jesus emphasized on how Wealth can screw people over in the ass with both their fists.

Everyone dreams to not be part of the system but inevitably lose their focus and the next thing we know, we are 65 and have not done one bit to make the world a better place. And I am not even over-stretching our capacity to helping African kids, give them a break- those kids live with lions, they can handle themselves even without our help and in time when they actually decide to stop killing each other, they can then take over the world, impaling us to death with their spears.

Charity begins at home, as the cliché goes. If everyone were to take their eyes off their PDAs for one second and be on the look out for everyone else, no strings attached, the world will be a much better place to be a minute from now.

I sincerely believe we do not have to live in big houses, wear branded clothes, drive turbo-charged cars and attend fancy balls. This is an illusion of need masterfully crafted by the owners of MTV, LVMH and other luxurious abbreviations.

What we do need is the willingness to go beyond ourselves to offer help to strangers whom we have not met in our lives. If the world was mine, I’d decree that everyone work in the Ronald McDonald’s House for one month of their lives. You don’t have to risk getting your limbs blown off while on a Red Cross voluntary mission at Afghan minefields or Iraqi battlefield, if you do not want to, but everyone has to head towards Ronald McDonald’s House for their lives to be changed and deviated from the numbing simplicity of materialism.

Alas, the Sweet Invincible Ideals of My Youth.

I can only hope that I won’t die without my neighbor next door ever knowing my name before he reads my obituary.

- Corporate America, cursed is thy Fame.

tuesday with morrie: a reflection

Carina- Yes, as usual, you are Right about the finer things in life. I did enjoy your recommended read- Tuesdays with Morrie. And No – I did Not bust open the flood gates and burst into tears.The final moments of Morris Schwartz’s life validate the suspicions I have in mine in regards to the subjectivity of what one deems as the “finer things in life”.

Life is not about how fast our cars can go, how big our mansions are, how many country club memberships we hold or when is the bill payment for our platinum credit cards.

Even though most of us identify with the aforementioned urban progressive lifestyle- a truly meaningful Life should Never be as detached and void as such.

We have been very disillusioned by the most grotesque form of peer pressure in which we strive to achieve happiness in knowing that we hold a bigger, better, shinier material yardstick than our neighbor. Thus, doing what we humans do best- we have created a different world for ourselves to reaffirm our beliefs without even questioning the validity of what we believe in; In this virtual world, we try to substitute our happiness with materialism just so we can be consistent with the system of belief of those around us. This in turn draws us into a never ending vicious cycle of trying to quench our materialistic thirst- an insatiable thirst really, due to the fact that materialism and happiness are both mutually exclusive elements of life. This conventional vicious cycle, most unfortunately is one that will eventually rob us of the opportunity to ever realize the true meaning of life – a happy life, without any material demands besides those for sustenance.

Morrie showed me that a good life benefits oneself the least and delights and prioritizes the needs everyone around us the most. It is by learning to give, to care and to love others before ourselves that we will find reconciliation within ourselves. We will never find happiness in stacking ourselves up with the busiest schedule, nor will happiness comes in the form of a brand new Beamer. Temporal happiness maybe. But will we still feel the joy for our Beamer in 15 years? People of our generation could not been more misled. Gen-X’ers revel in cosmetic vanity (in a deeper sense than make ups and boob jobs) and we find exhilaration in the subjugation of others and comfort in getting the approval of others to validate our existence- all of which is sadly, merely our inferiority complex revealing her ugly head. This is why when people achieve all that they ever dream of materialistically, strangely they are bound to feel neither joy or inner peace as they have come to expect. The underlining reason can only be that ignorantly, we have been chasing after the Wrong things in life. Evidently, this further extents to explain the sudden outward implosion in religious group memberships as religions tend to teach her disciples to turn away from material (and also sadly, that gay people and pro-choicers are going to burn in hell while pedophilic priest sits next to the throne of God and watch them burn in laughter – lollipop in one hand and fondling cherubs with another) and spend more time in love and compassion with those around us just as what Morrie had advocated thru out his book.

Before I came to the States, I was a prideful kid brimming with confidence at how well and fast I can learn to manipulate any systems and exploit them to my own personal gains. Non First-class college results? No worries – be active in areas outside nerdy studies and then study hard to prove that I was an all rounder. Crappy looking resume? Learn to speak articulately, be a student leader *Yay!* and represent the country and get my face splashed unashamedly across all major newspapers *DOUBLE Yay!*. Crappy college life? Headed straight to the land of the free, home of the braves, lived free spiritedly without a care and then manipulated the system to stay on for a period 3 times longer than any students are allowed to for 10 times lesser the cost.

I always revel at basking in the fruits of my tactful shrewdness which I know will make me a good whore of a climber of those seemingly daunting yet strangely-familiar corporate ladders- built by nice friendly people who would not hesitate for one second to cheat a 80 year old grandma of her healthcare policy.

However, I have been questioning myself lately, is that all i want out of my life? To look good in front of others? To command respect out of awe? To just get on with life the same way the rest of the world does? or is there really more to life than the conventional lets start a business and make my first million then buy my first Beamer Z4 and then make my 2nd million and then buy my first Ferrari and then make my 3rd million – when does the cycle end? or does it ever?

A handful of Americans who has been living as Morrie did taught me that life is NOT just about material pursuit; it is most importantly about what I can offer to the people around me to make the world a better place. I want to leave a legacy, one that is made out of my personal relationships with people around me rather than one which people, my family, my kids, my friends stare in isolation and detachment after I die and hopefully burn in eternal hell- cos’ I would never want to be next to any pedophiles in heaven.

People die – Relationships, in the words of Morrie – goes on forever.

Relationships with people are just too important to be secondary in life- something which I need to constantly remind myself. I have hurried thru my life, thru conversations; never seem to be able to focus wholeheartedly when I am talking with anyone- always thinking about what I am going to do next. I dread to suffer the irony of being detached from the world around me and only realize the extent of my detachment at the last few months of my life. I want to exude love and be consumed by love from all around me.

I want to live in Love.

Morris Schwartz, Thank you. I pray for the Lord’s grace to be upon you, just as your words are to my stone cold heart.

“-Love each other or perish-”